Sometimes I get so caught up in seeking to understand others and what their stories are that I forget to tell my own story. I think one of the purposes (though I couldn't identify it as such at the time) of this blog is to tell my story. To share my thoughts and feelings, my fears and desires, my insights and "aha" moments. To share, in essence, me.
Something I read today reminded me of the need to tell our own story. (See Alicia Morga: Telling my Story on Camera, dare to dream blog by Whitney Johnson, posted 14 October 2010.)
Alicia's story could be any of ours (change some of the minor details of course). How many of us yearn to share what's inside--all of the dreams that no one knows about--but, as Alicia did, get stopped cold by someone's comment or attitude. Even life's events can stop us cold. We freeze and forget; our story gets left out in the cold.
Telling My Story
As I thought about Alicia's story, I resolved to be brave and share at least some snippets of my own story. So, here goes.
One thing people don't usually know about me: I am successful but unhappy where I am.
I work in a job very closely aligned with my bachelor's degree (how many people can say that?) and have done so, in various positions, for the last 8+ years. But there's a part of me, which gets more and more vocal, that yearns to do something else. I'm feeling very strongly that the "expiration date" on this opportunity is nearing. Yet...I don't know what else to do. My profession is what I know. The contacts I have in my network are in this field, my resume is filled with qualifications in this field. And it's not that I want to completely abandon this field altogether; I'd just like a change of scenery.
The dream I am currently "dating" is... to write and be published.
We've dated before, me and writing. In fact, before I changed my major in college, I was intent on pursuing a lifetime of bliss with writing. I thought that once I received my creative writing / journalism double major, I would become a professor and live the academic life, complete with tenure, a Pulitzer Prize, and an office with a window. Experiences during my first semester at university changed my professional direction, however, and writing and I "broke up" for a time. Oh, we'd "hang out" occasionally when I'd write an article for a professional publication--it was fun to renew our acquaintance and remember why I loved writing so much--but then I'd leave writing to return to my day job. As much as I loved writing, I just couldn't see how we could make the relationship work long-term.
The profession with whom I've been for the 8+ years has treated me well. Opportunities arose and paths opened that I could never have envisioned. It's been an incredible and blessed time together. I am grateful for the experiences I've had and the people with whom I've associated and from whom I've learned throughout my career thus far. I do not regret changing my major. I do not regret what I have done, where I have worked, or the opportunities I've received.
Yet...there is still that part of me yearning for a permanent reconciliation with writing. I don't want to "cheat" on my current career...but my first love, writing, is still very appealing to me. Don't know how or if it's possible to make a career in writing, especially with no contacts in the industry. It's difficult to even think about leaving a "sure thing" in my professional field to jump into the unknown of another career. Especially with a mortgage!
To be continued....
Showing posts with label Dreams / Goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dreams / Goals. Show all posts
Monday, October 18, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Like a Child at Home
I love music, especially sacred music. One of the greatest joys in life is to hear music that uplifts, inspires, and teaches. How joyful I feel when I hear someone sing the very words my soul wants to express.
"My Shepherd Will Supply My Need" is one of these joyful tender mercies for me. All of the words are the testimony I wish to sing of my Savior. However, the last stanza encapsulates the deepest desire of my heart: to feel safe, secure, comfortable, wanted, and loved, like a child at home would feel.
What would that look like (feeling safe "like a child at home")? I can only imagine....
"My Shepherd Will Supply My Need" is one of these joyful tender mercies for me. All of the words are the testimony I wish to sing of my Savior. However, the last stanza encapsulates the deepest desire of my heart: to feel safe, secure, comfortable, wanted, and loved, like a child at home would feel.
My Shepherd will supply my need,These words echo in my heart and cause it to yearn to feel that "settled rest" with Heavenly Father and the Savior. To this point in my life, I have never felt settled; I've always had to take care of myself and to struggle just to survive. My weary soul rejoices at the very idea of resting, of securing a place where I belong, a place where I am not treated as a stranger or a guest but "like a child at home."
Jehovah is His name.
In pastures fresh He makes me feed,
Beside the living stream.
He brings my wand’ring spirit back,
When I forsake His ways.
And leads me for His mercy’s sake
In paths of truth and grace.
When I walk through the shades of death
Thy presence is my stay.
One word of Thy supporting breath
Drives all my fears away.
Thy hand in sight of all my foes,
Doth still my table spread.
My cup with blessings overflows,
Thine oil anoints my head.
The sure provisions of my God
Attend me all my days.
O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise.
There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come.
No more a stranger nor a guest,
But like a child at home.
What would that look like (feeling safe "like a child at home")? I can only imagine....
Monday, April 19, 2010
Letting Go of the "Should"
I'm a big fan of Whitney Johnson's Dare to Dream blog. For over a year now, I've followed it religiously and internalized the truths shared by Whitney and the other fabulous women, which in turn intensified my desire to dare to dream.
Yet...
Yet, I still evade my dreams by applying the ubiquitous "should"--i.e. "This dream would be lovely...but I should want what I have now" or "Pursuing and fulfilling this dream would bring me so much happiness...but I should stick with what I know instead of trying something that I could fail at."
The should gets me every time. And I abhor that I allow should (and the fear that gives should its power) to persuade me to abandon my dreams and potential happiness.
Why do I empower should when doing so only enervates my ability to pursue the dreams and passions I have? What could I do to weaken the leverage should has on me, to liberate myself to pursue my dreams?
Yet...
Yet, I still evade my dreams by applying the ubiquitous "should"--i.e. "This dream would be lovely...but I should want what I have now" or "Pursuing and fulfilling this dream would bring me so much happiness...but I should stick with what I know instead of trying something that I could fail at."
The should gets me every time. And I abhor that I allow should (and the fear that gives should its power) to persuade me to abandon my dreams and potential happiness.
Why do I empower should when doing so only enervates my ability to pursue the dreams and passions I have? What could I do to weaken the leverage should has on me, to liberate myself to pursue my dreams?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Dreaming of Dreaming
In an earlier post, I lamented about not being able to dream--that fears and the need for logic and empirical evidence usually interrupted any dreams I dared to dream. This is still the case for me, unfortunately. My attempts to learn to dream and to overcome fears have caused me to become almost preoccupied with this. However, I think that I will make progress only if I can keep this topic alive in my mind and heart.
One of the ways I do this is by learning from others. My friend Emily is one to whom I look for insight on dreaming and achieving dreams. We have wonderful conversations about the power of asking Heavenly Father for what we desire, not just for what we think He thinks we might need, and developing a more intimate relationship with Him. Through my conversations with Emily, I have realized that I do not consider myself to be God's work and therefore do not consider my personal needs and desires to be "important" to Him. Perhaps this inhibits my ability to dream?
Whitney Johnson's Dare to Dream blog provides me with constant insight and inspiration; she poses questions that cause me to reflect on my own situations, attitudes, insecurities, and mental blocks that keep me from dreaming. Her guest bloggers post about relevant topics and deepen my desire to dream--to do whatever it takes to dream and then act on those dreams. I am grateful that there are other women who are willing to share their wisdom. There is so much I can learn from them!
One of the ways I do this is by learning from others. My friend Emily is one to whom I look for insight on dreaming and achieving dreams. We have wonderful conversations about the power of asking Heavenly Father for what we desire, not just for what we think He thinks we might need, and developing a more intimate relationship with Him. Through my conversations with Emily, I have realized that I do not consider myself to be God's work and therefore do not consider my personal needs and desires to be "important" to Him. Perhaps this inhibits my ability to dream?
Whitney Johnson's Dare to Dream blog provides me with constant insight and inspiration; she poses questions that cause me to reflect on my own situations, attitudes, insecurities, and mental blocks that keep me from dreaming. Her guest bloggers post about relevant topics and deepen my desire to dream--to do whatever it takes to dream and then act on those dreams. I am grateful that there are other women who are willing to share their wisdom. There is so much I can learn from them!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Big Dreams, Little Fears: Just the Beginning
Normally, I do not usually take counsel from a fortune cookie, but the one I received last night at dinner seemed very applicable to my current situation: "Your dreams should be bigger than your fears." That fortune reminded me of what Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and someone I respect very much, had said about God anxiously wanting to fulfill our dreams, but He can't if we don't allow ourselves to dream.
When was the last time you allowed yourself to dream without pragmatic parameters (e.g. dreaming about what you genuinely desire instead of what you, in your current situation, think you can obtain)?
For me, it's been a very long time. If there was a grade given out for dreaming (and thankfully there is not), I would have consistently received at least a D (if not lower) from age 7 through the present day. Oh, sure, I can daydream with the best of them and can imagine for a moment that life was different...but the practical side always reminds me why those daydreams could not come true. This logical side also makes it difficult to watch fairy tales and other movies like that because I can't suspend reality long enough to enjoy them.
(Same thing goes for the song "Before he cheats" by Carrie Underwood: Why would you carve your name into his leather seats? I get the concept, but, really? You want to leave clear evidence that YOU were the perpetrator? That sounds like jail time to me.)
The concept of having dreams bigger than fears relates to suspending "reality"--to believe, especially when all of the empirical evidence concludes that a situation is "impossible," that God can and WILL provide the way for your dreams to be fulfilled. Some might even call this concept (believing in things that you cannot see) faith. Our faith cannot be based solely in an outcome or a desired result, not matter how much we desire it; our faith must be centered in Jesus Christ and in His ability and willingness to help us achieve our dreams. (See the Bible Dictionary entry "faith" for more enlightenment about this concept.) Our dreams become powerfully able to diminish our fears when we allow Jesus' perfect love to cast out any and all fear in our hearts.
Further, Christ's love will enable us to dream bigger and better dreams. We will not worry about the practical "how" of the dream (the part that usually classifies a dream as "impossible") because we will know that He will provide the way. Feeling Christ's love will enable us to see our divine potential, causing us to desire what He wants for us to become. We rise to the expectations, however low or high we establish for ourselves; Jesus' love raises our expectations for ourselves (what we can achieve) and for others (how He can advocate with others on our behalf to secure their help in obtaining our desire--e.g. in The Book of Mormon, the Lord softening the heart of Ishmael before Nephi and his brethren arrived [1 Nephi 7:1-5]).
In sum, when we feel the Savior's love, we feel safe to dream big dreams because we do not fear the outcome because we know He is with us.
When was the last time you allowed yourself to dream without pragmatic parameters (e.g. dreaming about what you genuinely desire instead of what you, in your current situation, think you can obtain)?
For me, it's been a very long time. If there was a grade given out for dreaming (and thankfully there is not), I would have consistently received at least a D (if not lower) from age 7 through the present day. Oh, sure, I can daydream with the best of them and can imagine for a moment that life was different...but the practical side always reminds me why those daydreams could not come true. This logical side also makes it difficult to watch fairy tales and other movies like that because I can't suspend reality long enough to enjoy them.
(Same thing goes for the song "Before he cheats" by Carrie Underwood: Why would you carve your name into his leather seats? I get the concept, but, really? You want to leave clear evidence that YOU were the perpetrator? That sounds like jail time to me.)
The concept of having dreams bigger than fears relates to suspending "reality"--to believe, especially when all of the empirical evidence concludes that a situation is "impossible," that God can and WILL provide the way for your dreams to be fulfilled. Some might even call this concept (believing in things that you cannot see) faith. Our faith cannot be based solely in an outcome or a desired result, not matter how much we desire it; our faith must be centered in Jesus Christ and in His ability and willingness to help us achieve our dreams. (See the Bible Dictionary entry "faith" for more enlightenment about this concept.) Our dreams become powerfully able to diminish our fears when we allow Jesus' perfect love to cast out any and all fear in our hearts.
Further, Christ's love will enable us to dream bigger and better dreams. We will not worry about the practical "how" of the dream (the part that usually classifies a dream as "impossible") because we will know that He will provide the way. Feeling Christ's love will enable us to see our divine potential, causing us to desire what He wants for us to become. We rise to the expectations, however low or high we establish for ourselves; Jesus' love raises our expectations for ourselves (what we can achieve) and for others (how He can advocate with others on our behalf to secure their help in obtaining our desire--e.g. in The Book of Mormon, the Lord softening the heart of Ishmael before Nephi and his brethren arrived [1 Nephi 7:1-5]).
In sum, when we feel the Savior's love, we feel safe to dream big dreams because we do not fear the outcome because we know He is with us.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
God Wants to Answer Our Prayers
A thought from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland that I needed to hear today:
God expects you to have enough faith and determination and enough trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. In fact, He expects you not simply to face the future (that sounds pretty grim and stoic); He expects you to embrace and shape the future—to love it and rejoice in it and delight in your opportunities.Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Terror, Triumph, and a Wedding Feast," Church Education System Fireside, 12 September 2004 (emphasis added).
God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can’t if you don’t pray, and He can’t if you don’t dream. In short, He can’t if you don’t believe.
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