On Top of the World

Today I'm working on more spreadsheets for the contract work I'm doing. Focusing on detailed spreadsheets all day long can try a person's sanity. Thankfully, I have a good playlist on my iPod to keep me from poking my eyes out with sundry office supplies found on my desk.

The song "On Top of the World" by Imagine Dragons just came on my iPod, and I found myself dancing in my chair and wanting to sing along (which, if you knew the library-like environment I'm working in here, you'd know would've been more than just a little awkward, and might result in a security-escorted brisk walk out of the building, haha).

It's not just a happy, peppy tune that inspires chair dancing: the lyrics inspire as well. Particularly inspiring to me--and to other fellow dream-seeking travelers--are these words that remind us that there is something within us that keeps urging us on, and that there is purpose in what we are doing.

I’ve tried to cut these corners
Try to take the easy way out
I kept on falling short of something

I coulda gave up then but
Then again I couldn’t have ’cause
I’ve traveled all this way for something

Enjoy the song! And be warned: you may start dancing in your chair and/or wanting to clap along.

What songs / lyrics inspire you to keep moving forward toward  your dreams? What songs cause you to dance in your chair, feel happy, and belt out the lyrics?

"On Top of the World" by Imagine Dragons
 
If you love somebody
Better tell them while they’re here ’cause
They just may run away from you

You’ll never know what went well
Then again it just depends on
How long of time is left for you

I’ve had the highest mountains
I’ve had the deepest rivers
You can have it all but life keeps moving

Now take it in but don’t look down

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take it with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

I’ve tried to cut these corners
Try to take the easy way out
I kept on falling short of something

I coulda gave up then but
Then again I couldn’t have ’cause
I’ve traveled all this way for something

Now take it in but don’t look down

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take it with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take it with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down
And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground
Get up now, get up, get up now.

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down
And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground
Get up now, get up, get up now.

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take it with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

Let's Hear It for New York

Today my story is... I'm missing New York City. Mara, author of A Blog about Love, one of my favorite blogs, posted the video (below) a while back (I was catching up today); watching it made me miss NYC so much.

I never thought me and NYC would ever have a relationship. Honestly, moving there was kind of an "I don't really know what I'm doing but it feels like the right thing to do" experience--the kind that requires great trust and courage. I turned my life upside down (quit my job, sold my house, etc) to follow this feeling....

I arrived in NYC with great apprehension and uncertainty. KShum, who had moved there in 2011, and I spent time exploring the city...and I fell in love with it. With all of the peculiar, crazy things you'd find only in New York. And with the people!

When I was offered a temporary job back in Utah, I wrestled with the decision for almost a week: I needed the money...but I didn't want to leave the city I loved. Practicality won out, and I returned to Utah. Unfortunately and fortunately I guess, that temporary job turned into another...and I've been here longer than I thought I'd be.

But I'm going back.

Soon.

Thanks to Mara for posting this video, for reminding me why I love NYC so much: the diversity and quality of the amazing New Yorkers!



P.S. Back in September I had the privilege of hearing Danny & Mara speak at a young single adults' conference near Lincoln Center. I arranged my teaching schedule to ensure I could hear them--and it was sooooo worth it! I couldn't take notes fast enough; I'm still pondering some of the insights they shared. And Mara was so kind when I spoke to her briefly after the conference concluded. Let's hear it for New York...and the wonderful people there!

Where I Am...And Where I Want to Be

Here you are. Right here, right now. At this very moment.You are where you are in life. Is it where you want to be? If not, get there.
— Donnie Wahlberg (@DonnieWahlberg), tweeted 6 December 2012

I seek for inspiration and words of wisdom from all sources--truth is truth wherever it is found, after all. I especially love the inspiring-ly (is that even word?) practical words from one of my favorite people, Donnie. The tweet he posted a few days ago hit me--well, not literally because I don't think tweets can do that, but figuratively it hit me that I'm not where I want to be.

...Which is not a new idea for me, because I've known that for quite some time. I can even tell you all of the reasons why I'm not where I want to be.

However, the why is not really the point, is it? When I focus on problems and talk (and talk and talk and talk...) and make excuses about them, they expand into more problems...like pouring water on a Mogwai (all you'll get are ugly Gremlins). And talking excessively about something has never really been my thing, which is probably why I've been stuck in this Groundhog's Day experience for so long: I haven't known what action to take, so I've just allowed myself to keep keepin' on, knowing all the while that I was needed and I wanted to be elsewhere.

I'm not where I want to be. So, what steps can I take right now to move me in the desired direction? There may be obstacles blocking my way and things I cannot do...but there is also plenty I can do. I'll focus on that (what I can do).

Thanks for the "get your mind right" words of wisdom, Donnie!

Sometimes A Girl Just Needs Her Best Friend

BFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Today my story is... I miss by best friend (or BFF, best friend forever, as I often say). Judy married the incredible Scott earlier this year, and they moved to At-lan-uh. I haven't seen Judy since May, and  we don't know when we will see each other again--maybe not until next July. This is the longest we've been apart since we met.

Because of e-mail, text, mobile phones, and Google chat, we are able to stay in touch. (Hooray!)

But sometimes, a girl just needs her best friend in person.

Like today.

Judy and me in Honolulu

I miss Judy every day, but I've grown accustomed to her being away, and to us not being in the same city, state, or region. And that's fine. Our friendship has survived so much, a few (thousand) miles doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Except on a day like today.

Today I just needed my best friend, someone who knows all of the back story without me needing to explain why something upset me or why I'm worried about such-and-such--or why something someone said was so hilarious, because she'd already know the inside joke.

Someone who, figuratively speaking, knows where all the bodies are buried (even has the map, haha) and will never use that information against me.

Someone who knows the words I need to hear because she's sung that song 3 7,000 times before.

Someone with whom no words are needed: we can sit in silence, our hearts doing all of the talking needed.

Someone I could wake up when I had an incredible "a-ha" and learned something really cool...and with whom I could talk it through and learn so much more.

Someone with whom I belong.

I miss you, Judy. You are indeed a "good-job" best friend.

Having fun in the kitchen

Awesome Characters in My Story: JOler and Kerry

JOler (aka The Giver) and Kerry

Today started out with a dash--and not the kind I like to use when I'm writing. More of a harried, dash-to-get-ready-and-then-catch-the-train kind of dash. The kind where I can't even remember if I'm wearing matching shoes so I need to check...several times.

Add to that some big issues weighing on my mind and I was kind of in a funk this morning when I got to the office--the grouchy kind of funk, unfortunately. So it was good that I had spreadsheets to concentrate on and New Kids on the Block music on my iPod to drown out everything else.

Then "adult recess" time came (aka lunch); after having lunch with two of my favoritest people in the world, JOler and Kerry, and some good-natured teasing all around, I felt more like Happy Adele again.

Hooray!

I am tremendously blessed with good people in my life who are kind, generous, and hilarious; who help me in myriad situations, happy or otherwise; and who make me laugh ("Marco..."), especially when I need it most; and who love me for being the crazy person that I am, shame, fears, quirkiness, and all.

As I contemplate the story of my life and those people who are cast in various scenes and situations with me, I feel grateful for a fabulous, divine Casting Director who brings these amazing people into my life.

Who are the main and supporting characters in YOUR story? What roles do they play? What are you learning from them? When was the last time you thanked them for being in your life?

"I Think I'm Going Crazy, Dennis. I Really Do."

I've been thinking a lot about happiness and joy lately--specifically about how they relate to each other and how we as humans can experience more of these in our lives.

Y'all know that generally I'm a happy person and a delight to be around most of the time (if I do say so myself...and I do, haha), and that I'm more likely to be found laughing and having fun than being serious--which is why my blog is full of funny, quirky things because that's a big part of who I am.

There's more than that to me as many of you know; I often find it challenging, however, to express my intuitive side because what I feel isn't as easily discernible (even by me) or discuss-able (if that's a word).

As I continue to ponder on happiness and joy, I return to a few quotes about this subject because I feel they speak to my current situation quite well:

Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.
— Mahatma Gandhi

Happiness and joy come only when we are living up to who we are.
— Sheri Dew

Though I have experienced (many!!!) moments of happiness here in NYC and know in a way that I can't adequately explain that I need to be here right now...I realized that I'm not happy because what I think and feel (my intuition) are not in harmony with I'm saying and doing--but I don't know how to fix it! My intuition (or soul or spirit, whatever you want to call it) knows so much more than I can even utter...and not being able to get to the place where what I think/feel/know can be manifested in what I say/do is, pardon my New Yorker language, hell.

Hell with a capital H and the double hockey sticks and all that.

Hell because I know what I need to do but feel powerless to do anything to get there.

Hell because I feel impotent and, well, just cuh-ray-zee (crazy) with a capital C.

In sum, I'm unhappy because I'm not living up to who I am--and I feel helpless to change my current situation (and I've tried...for months and months!).

This entry doesn't really have nice bow to wrap up what I've been saying (partly because I don't have any bows or wrapping paper of any kind with me in my 2 suitcases' of material possessions here in NYC) but mostly because the problem is still that: an unsolved problem.

I guess more than anything, I just needed to talk "and try to get it out."


I think one of the challenges about telling our own stories is that they are being written as we go. Which is a wonderful adventure, yes...but it can also be a frustrating experience to patiently wait for the next pages to come off the press.

How do you reconcile yourself with the thrilling, sometimes frustrating adventure of your story in progress? 

When you feel stuck or not in harmony with your intuition (where your gut says you should be / be doing), how do you get UNstuck?

Adele 101: An Open Letter

To My Family and Friends:

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately; I realized some very important things about myself. Because I value my relationship with you and want you to better understand me, I share with you a few key points about me that I hope will enlighten you about who I am and about my decision-making paradigm. (See the movie Sahara for a very funny quote about that....)

1. I love you.
The signature Adele-ism is love. Even if I go months without seeing or talking to you, the love I have for you is constant, unchanging. My heart has a great love-bearing capacity: I'm not even at 15%! :)

2. At my core, I am a spiritually connected being.
The Divine is my energy Source. I know that for religious or spiritual people, that seems like a "duh" statement. For me, however, it goes much deeper, to the cellular level. In all things I do I  lead from my spirit, I seek to connect to the Spirit, and I act in accordance with what I feel in my spirit. Ultimately, for me my spiritual "logic" (aka faith) supersedes what I can perceive with my brain's "logic."

3. I am highly intuitive and high-energy.
Not only do I seek spiritual connections (within and without myself), I also am highly intuitive and process situations quickly; and once I know something, I want to take all of the ideas/inspiration I've received and do them all right now (the "go big" attitude). Sometimes my decisions and quick action can be perplexing to you; it may appear that I'm not thinking things through or that I'm being too hasty to jump all in to something so quickly. The truth is, I never make a decision, especially one with significant consequences, without first wholly considering every reasonable facet. Most often this happens quickly and I know through intuition what needs to occur. (The struggle then for me is to believe my intuition and move forward and/or figure out HOW to do what my intuition says is best for me.)

I am weathering a tumultuous time in my life where I am dramatically changing the entire course of my life. ("Go big or go home," right?) Daily I am terrified, and daily I question whether I am strong enough and connected enough to make these gargantuan decisions. I need your love and support now more than ever. I know that what I do or what I may decide in the future to do might cause you to say "What the crap!?" and wonder about my sanity.  Please, please trust that I am not making any of these decisions lightly. Please trust that I have thought and struggled enough with these decisions to know what is right for me--and what is right for me may not be right for you.

The last 6+ months have been harrowing for me, and I know that there is more opposition and harrowing to come as I continue forward. Your love and support would help me better weather the storms ahead. (I know it shouldn't matter to me as much as it does...but it does.) To this end, I've shared with you three key insights to understanding me. I hope what I've shared will help.

Thanks for your love and support.

Love,
Adele

Telling My Story

Sometimes I get so caught up in seeking to understand others and what their stories are that I forget to tell my own story. I think one of the purposes (though I couldn't identify it as such at the time) of this blog is to tell my story. To share my thoughts and feelings, my fears and desires, my insights and "aha" moments. To share, in essence, me.

Something I read today reminded me of the need to tell our own story. (See Alicia Morga: Telling my Story on Camera, dare to dream blog by Whitney Johnson, posted 14 October 2010.)

Alicia's story could be any of ours (change some of the minor details of course). How many of us yearn to share what's inside--all of the dreams that no one knows about--but, as Alicia did, get stopped cold by someone's comment or attitude. Even life's events can stop us cold. We freeze and forget; our story gets left out in the cold.

Telling My Story

As I thought about Alicia's story, I resolved to be brave and share at least some snippets of my own story. So, here goes.

One thing people don't usually know about me: I am successful but unhappy where I am.

I work in a job very closely aligned with my bachelor's degree (how many people can say that?) and have done so, in various positions, for the last 8+ years. But there's a part of me, which gets more and more vocal, that yearns to do something else. I'm feeling very strongly that the "expiration date" on this opportunity is nearing. Yet...I don't know what else to do. My profession is what I know. The contacts I have in my network are in this field, my resume is filled with qualifications in this field. And it's not that I want to completely abandon this field altogether; I'd just like a change of scenery.

The dream I am currently "dating" is... to write and be published.

We've dated before, me and writing. In fact, before I changed my major in college, I was intent on pursuing a lifetime of bliss with writing. I thought that once I received my creative writing / journalism double major, I would become a professor and live the academic life, complete with tenure, a Pulitzer Prize, and an office with a window. Experiences during my first semester at university changed my professional direction, however, and writing and I "broke up" for a time. Oh, we'd "hang out" occasionally when I'd write an article for a professional publication--it was fun to renew our acquaintance and remember why I loved writing so much--but then I'd leave writing to return to my day job. As much as I loved writing, I just couldn't see how we could make the relationship work long-term.

The profession with whom I've been for the 8+ years has treated me well. Opportunities arose and paths opened that I could never have envisioned. It's been an incredible and blessed time together. I am grateful for the experiences I've had and the people with whom I've associated and from whom I've learned throughout my career thus far. I do not regret changing my major. I do not regret what I have done, where I have worked, or the opportunities I've received.

Yet...there is still that part of me yearning for a permanent reconciliation with writing. I don't want to "cheat" on my current career...but my first love, writing, is still very appealing to me. Don't know how or if it's possible to make a career in writing, especially with no contacts in the industry. It's difficult to even think about leaving a "sure thing" in my professional field to jump into the unknown of another career. Especially with a mortgage!

To be continued....

Ciao, Italia!

So, I'm here. In Italy. And I love it!

Tomorrow morning (it's 11:30pm here in Milan) I'll write a longer post with pictures and a verbose, "bowl-minded" narrative about what I've experienced. For now, here are the stats:

• Amount of time that my new global BlackBerry device has worked since we left the United States: 0 hours and 0 minutes 
• Number of connections to fly to Milan: 3 (SLC to Minneapolis...to Amsterdam...to Milan)
• Hours it took to travel from SLC to Milan: 17.5
• Number of wrong turns we took while trying to drive to the hotel in our little Fiat: 3 7,000 (which is code for too many to count)
• Number of hours in Italy (thus far): 13
• Total count of Gelaterias visited in the last 10 hours: 2
• Gelato flavors sampled: 5
• Fragola [FRAH-go-la] (strawberry)
• Pistacchio [pee-STAHK-yoh] (pistachio) -- 2 times
• Mango (mango)
• Stracciatella [strah-cha-TEL-lah] (like a chocolate chip ice cream) -- 2 times
• Limone [Lee-MON-ay] (lemon)

A Better Choreographer Than Kenny Oretega

I didn't know anything was wrong; I just went to her desk because...well...I felt like I should. The feeling to do so was nothing spectacular, just a quiet thought to my mind that I heeded before I even realized what I was doing. Even after I arrived at my friend/colleague's office and spent some time with her, I didn't think I was doing anything out of the ordinary: I was simply enjoying time with my friend.

What Heavenly Father knew that I didn't know was that my friend had had a very stressful day. He recognized it and wanted to comfort her. So He sent me (only I didn't realize what He was doing at the time). She was important to Him, and He wanted to bless her.

I feel great joy knowing that Heavenly Father allowed me to (unknowingly) help my friend this evening with what He knew she needed. I feel joy not because I participated but because He helped someone I care about and I was able to see how He works. He was the one who comforted my friend; He was the one who knew what she needed; I just happened to be around to "answer the call" so-to-speak.

If Heavenly Father is mindful of my friend and her feelings, certainly He is mindful of me and what I feel...right?

Dreaming of Dreaming

In an earlier post, I lamented about not being able to dream--that fears and the need for logic and empirical evidence usually interrupted any dreams I dared to dream. This is still the case for me, unfortunately. My attempts to learn to dream and to overcome fears have caused me to become almost preoccupied with this. However, I think that I will make progress only if I can keep this topic alive in my mind and heart.

One of the ways I do this is by learning from others. My friend Emily is one to whom I look for insight on dreaming and achieving dreams. We have wonderful conversations about the power of asking Heavenly Father for what we desire, not just for what we think He thinks we might need, and developing a more intimate relationship with Him. Through my conversations with Emily, I have realized that I do not consider myself to be God's work and therefore do not consider my personal needs and desires to be "important" to Him. Perhaps this inhibits my ability to dream?

Whitney Johnson's Dare to Dream blog provides me with constant insight and inspiration; she poses questions that cause me to reflect on my own situations, attitudes, insecurities, and mental blocks that keep me from dreaming. Her guest bloggers post about relevant topics and deepen my desire to dream--to do whatever it takes to dream and then act on those dreams. I am grateful that there are other women who are willing to share their wisdom. There is so much I can learn from them!

Small and Simple Tender Mercies

During the last several months since I last posted, I've experienced some tremendous, overwhelming emotional and spiritual struggles--overwhelming to the point that I, a normally happy and social person, have withdrawn from life in order to survive. I'm not feeling like myself these days, and that is extremely frustrating to me! Most of my days are spent in what I call Project Mode, "going through the motions" of life and feeling as little as humanly possible. The only objective I have these days is to survive.

The implications of this prolonged Project Mode are multi-faceted, and I won't explore all of them in this post; I'll save the discussion for a later post. What I wanted to focus on instead is how the Lord has shown me tender mercies even amidst the intense, harrowing suffering I've endured. I don't think it's a coincidence that even the Book of Mormon prophet Nephi included a similar insight, demonstrating Nephi's awareness of and gratitude for the Lord's tender mercies through all of the difficult times Nephi and his family were called to endure. Two places in particular stand out to me in Nephi's writings:

1. Before the close of the very first chapter of the very first book in the Book of Mormon (1 Nephi), Nephi states his "thesis" as this: "But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance" (1 Nephi 1:20).

2. Nephi saw tender mercies where others (e.g. his older, murmuring brothers Laman and Lemuel) saw only difficulties. His faith allowed him to see what the Lord was doing--how the Lord was providing smaller, compensating blessings to make life more endurable. This vision enabled Nephi to continue on to the promised land without murmuring.

And it came to pass that we did again take our journey in the wilderness; and we did travel nearly eastward from that time forth. And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness.

And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.

And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness. (1 Nephi 17:1-3)

What small and simple tender mercies has the Lord shown me during this intense trial? Thinking about this now causes me to wonder if I'm paying enough attention to the little things in life, if perhaps I'm overlooking additional blessings. I am resolving now to be more mindful of the little things in my life. At present, these are the tender mercies that come to mind (and obviously this list isn't comprehensive by any means):

• Patience when things do not work out as I'd expected and/or when I'd expected them to
• A resilient, patient, loving best friend who consistently tries to help me, especially when I'm ready to give up
• Finding a kindred spirit at work with whom I can share my innermost thoughts, Collective Soul, yummy broccoli pesto pizza (that she made!), and lots of laughter. (We can't sit next to each other in meetings anymore or we will VEx other people--haha!)
• Sleep. When I am actually able to get it, I feel a lot better
• A visiting teacher who cares and checks in on me
• My friend Kim moving to my city and into my ward
• Emails and texts from KShum. We laugh a lot together, and I know that she cares about me. When I was sick, she "conjured up" people in my city to check on me. I'm grateful that her friendship is never "out of service"
• Feeling more settled and "safe" in my job. I remember how paranoid and insecure I felt in my previous employment--always worried that if I made one mistake, I'd get fired. Now, not only is my employer secure and not going anywhere (I'm certain of that!), but I also feel secure in my new leadership responsibilities, my new manager and his up-line, and that my effort at work makes a difference
• Matt's miraculous work on my spreadsheet! Shift-F9 and I are now best friends
• NCIS and NCIS: LA. Tuesday nights are good.

Welcome, Jackson Keith!

Adele and Jackson Keith

I have a new nephew -- and he is the most adorable thing! Jackson Keith, who entered our family on September 19 (aka Talk Like a Pirate Day), is a very docile and happy baby. Julie, Amy, and I traveled to Idaho to see this new little guy over General Conference weekend. And lucky for us, we also got to see Mom and Dad as well.

I love my own family, but being adopted into Julie's family has been such a blessing in my life -- especially when it comes to having nieces and nephews! Except for the occasional hit with a baseball right in the nose (thanks, Sammy! lol), I love being an aunt. When Jessica called me Aunt Adele, I almost cried. It was the coolest thing. So, even after my own biological sister has children (which, let's be honest, could be looooooong before I ever have children of my own), I will still enjoy being Aunt Adele to anyone who will let me spoil them. :)

Some of My Recent Adventures

Me on the beach at sunrise

After FGS finished, my friends/co-workers Anna and Crista joined me on a few adventures around the Philly area.

Sunday morning we woke up and left the hotel in Philly at dark o'clock and drove to Long Beach Island, New Jersey to watch the sunrise. Even though I was completely exhausted and could barely keep my eyes open (and I was driving!), I am grateful that we did it. The end result was simply breathtaking! Watching sunrise on the beach was worth every minute of exhaustion.

The Italian Stallion...and me!

A trip to Philly would not be complete without visiting the famous Rocky Steps (aka the steps of the Art Museum) and the statue of Rocky Balboa himself.

Remember the wise words of Rocky Balboa in Rocky IV: "If I's can change, and you's can change, EVERYBODY can change!" Amen.