It's All About Me

This morning on the commute to work, I was thinking about ... well, me, actually, and about who I am, what I like, what makes me tick (so-to-speak), and all of that.

My thoughts led me to remember a part of the movie Runaway Bride where Maggie (Julia Roberts) cooks and samples various types of eggs, attempting to finally determine for herself what kind of eggs she likes. It is a profound moment when she begins to know herself and assert her identity, ceasing to rely on others to create an identity for her. She then returns to the man she's truly in love with, Ike (Richard Gere), to share her discovery:

Maggie Carpenter: Benedict.
Ike Graham: Arnold.
Maggie Carpenter: I love Eggs Benedict, I hate every other kind. I hate big weddings with everybody staring. I'd like to get married on a weekday while everybody's at work. And when I ride off into the sunset, I want my own horse.
Ike Graham: Should I be writing this down?

Maggie had become a chameleon--taking on whatever personality and/or desires was around her. For many years, I did the same: I didn't feel that it was "okay" to just be me, so I played the role of whoever people wanted me to be. I, like Maggie, had to test the waters (or the eggs) to finally figure out who *I* was--and to feel comfortable just being me, whoever I was.

Here's who I am, for better or for worse:

• I like scrambled eggs; don't like runny egg yolk.
• My favorite city in the United States is Boston.
• I love Harley Davidson motorcycles.
• One of my favorite activities is reading greeting cards and finding the "perfect" ones for friends and family.
• I love camping and hiking but I don't know how to build a good fire (I usually let someone else do that).
• I collect inspirational quotes, talks, and devotionals.
• I am (in)famous for food cravings: I have "food phases" where I crave a certain food constantly. E.g. Barbara's Cheese Puffs, Old Wisconsin Beef Jerky, vanilla soft serve ice cream, fish and chips from Arctic Circle, Super Pretzels, etc.
• Hip hop and hula dancing are my favorite types of dancing. I also love ballroom dancing and want to do more of it, but I don't have a partner.
• I'm a word nerd: I love to learn and use big words. (I subscribe to Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day).
• One of my goals is to visit as many LDS temples in the world as possible.
• Although I can do things on my own (and I usually do them well), I'd prefer to have help--someone I can count on to be there for me.
• I hate crying. When I cry, I claim that I have "allergies."
• At a restaurant, I usually order the same thing every time.
• I am addicted to Orbtiz gum; Strawberry Mint, Mint Mojito, and/or Maui Melon Mint are my preferred flavors.
• I love to learn.
• Someday I want to be financially in a position where I can donate the majority of my time and money to serving others and meeting their needs.
• A well-placed comma makes me happy.
• I have no interest in going to France. (Sorry, Doug!) When I planned my trip to Germany and Austria last year, I purposely avoided having a layover in Paris.
• I am not a fan of scrapbooking (primarily because I don't think I'm very creative). I also do not like parades or fireworks (when you've seen one, you've seen them all), raw tomatoes, raw oranges, artifical banana or grape flavors, and diet soda.
• I want my house to be as temple-like as possible, so I have/am investing a lot of time and money into decorating, including purchasing high-quality, sacred artwork.
• I am OCD about a dirty house because of the house I grew up in.
• I hate making the bed.
• I clean my toilets every week.
• A "closet" goal I have is to someday be influential among women--to speak, write, and teach--like Sheri Dew, Julie B. Beck, and women like them.
• I love sheep and collect them (not the actually sheep, but items with their likeness).
• It is very validating when someone thinks I'm funny, especially if it is someone I respect/admire.
• I feel loved when I feel understood. When someone knows me well enough to order at a restaurant or pick out a personalized gift for me, I feel validated and important.
• I don't love animals, although I'm starting to like them more, thanks to Simon Geilman.

• I am a planner by nature but am trying to become more spontaneous, to "fly by the seat of my pants" (with or without a light, haha). Doing so, however, requires tremendous trust, and I'm struggling to let go of the (albeit false idea of) security I feel in planning ahead.
• I would love to live abroad and give my children international experience--would love for them to speak one or more foreign languages.
• I love to cook and create my own recipes...but I hate cooking for one, so I usually end up getting take-out.
• Although I value emotional/physical/spiritual intimacy, I keep most people at a distance. I want and need to regularly feel the same security I feel when my father hugs me...but I'm afraid to open up, to allow people close enough, and/or to ask those closest to me for what I need.
• Teasing someone is one way I show love. Another way is by remembering birthdays and other special events.