Last week when I was on the A train heading from the airport to KShum's casa in Harlem, I almost got off the train because I wasn't sure if I was on the right train. See, I'd done this whole AirTrain to the A train journey before when I visited NYC in January, and I felt confident that I could do the whole thing again without a hitch, so I didn't even bother asking for directions: I confidently (maybe arrogantly?) boarded the A train with my luggage and set off.
Last time I was here, however, I made a stop at KShum's office, which necessitated switching trains (C or B or D...I can't remember); that memory started messing with my sleep deprived mind and I started to panic. What if... I should've switched trains? What if... I was on the wrong train and would end up in a bad part of town? What if... The scenarios kept playing out in my tired brain, fed by the rising fear because I didn't recognize any of these stops and couldn't see the map to know where we were and where the train was going.
The panic continued to pervade my mind; several times I inched my way closer to the metro doors in case I needed to make a quick exit. But every time I decided in my brain that I was going to get off at the next stop, a peaceful voice told me to just hang on--that I was on the right train and I'd see the signs of this soon enough.
Thankfully, that peaceful voice won out and I didn't get off the train. The A train was the train I needed to take all the way to KShum's apartment; I just wasn't confident about my decision-making paradigm and its possible effects on my safety.
Lesson learned: If you get on the train in life that you know you need board, stay on it. Stay on it even when you're entering unfamiliar territory. Stay on it when you doubt yourself and you want to turn back. Stay on it and trust God to get you where you need to be, when you need to be there. He knows the way. Let Him take you there. "Cast not away therefore your confidence..." (Hebrews 10:35 -- see also the speech by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland from 1999 of the same name.)
You hear that, Self?!?!!?
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