"I Think I'm Going Crazy, Dennis. I Really Do."

I've been thinking a lot about happiness and joy lately--specifically about how they relate to each other and how we as humans can experience more of these in our lives.

Y'all know that generally I'm a happy person and a delight to be around most of the time (if I do say so myself...and I do, haha), and that I'm more likely to be found laughing and having fun than being serious--which is why my blog is full of funny, quirky things because that's a big part of who I am.

There's more than that to me as many of you know; I often find it challenging, however, to express my intuitive side because what I feel isn't as easily discernible (even by me) or discuss-able (if that's a word).

As I continue to ponder on happiness and joy, I return to a few quotes about this subject because I feel they speak to my current situation quite well:

Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.
— Mahatma Gandhi

Happiness and joy come only when we are living up to who we are.
— Sheri Dew

Though I have experienced (many!!!) moments of happiness here in NYC and know in a way that I can't adequately explain that I need to be here right now...I realized that I'm not happy because what I think and feel (my intuition) are not in harmony with I'm saying and doing--but I don't know how to fix it! My intuition (or soul or spirit, whatever you want to call it) knows so much more than I can even utter...and not being able to get to the place where what I think/feel/know can be manifested in what I say/do is, pardon my New Yorker language, hell.

Hell with a capital H and the double hockey sticks and all that.

Hell because I know what I need to do but feel powerless to do anything to get there.

Hell because I feel impotent and, well, just cuh-ray-zee (crazy) with a capital C.

In sum, I'm unhappy because I'm not living up to who I am--and I feel helpless to change my current situation (and I've tried...for months and months!).

This entry doesn't really have nice bow to wrap up what I've been saying (partly because I don't have any bows or wrapping paper of any kind with me in my 2 suitcases' of material possessions here in NYC) but mostly because the problem is still that: an unsolved problem.

I guess more than anything, I just needed to talk "and try to get it out."


I think one of the challenges about telling our own stories is that they are being written as we go. Which is a wonderful adventure, yes...but it can also be a frustrating experience to patiently wait for the next pages to come off the press.

How do you reconcile yourself with the thrilling, sometimes frustrating adventure of your story in progress? 

When you feel stuck or not in harmony with your intuition (where your gut says you should be / be doing), how do you get UNstuck?