I love to write (as you can tell from all of my blog posts). Writing is often the way that I "study out" a situation and determine what I know and what I don't know. And it is also a way that I solidify my feelings / testimony of a subject.
When thinking about how I feel when the Lord is with me versus when I handle life's challenges alone, I realized what a stark contrast there was to how I felt. This poem is an attempt to illustrate that.
"Breathing"
Alone
In the harried ubiquity of
Chaos
Screaming in my ears like a
Drill sergeant
Forcing myself to inch forward
Gasping for breath
Every movement arduous,
Moments away from
Expiring all strength--
Collapsing.
Then
You
Find
Me.
Safe
In the certain embrace of
Divine Love.
You tenderly whisper
"I am here"
And that is
Enough.
Serenity--
The most delicious melody--
Caresses my ears
Replenishes strength
Relaxes every sinew.
I submit
Relinquishing the solo quest.
Together
We will face
Tomorrow's climb.
But for now
I
Can
Breathe.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Big Dreams, Little Fears: Just the Beginning
Normally, I do not usually take counsel from a fortune cookie, but the one I received last night at dinner seemed very applicable to my current situation: "Your dreams should be bigger than your fears." That fortune reminded me of what Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and someone I respect very much, had said about God anxiously wanting to fulfill our dreams, but He can't if we don't allow ourselves to dream.
When was the last time you allowed yourself to dream without pragmatic parameters (e.g. dreaming about what you genuinely desire instead of what you, in your current situation, think you can obtain)?
For me, it's been a very long time. If there was a grade given out for dreaming (and thankfully there is not), I would have consistently received at least a D (if not lower) from age 7 through the present day. Oh, sure, I can daydream with the best of them and can imagine for a moment that life was different...but the practical side always reminds me why those daydreams could not come true. This logical side also makes it difficult to watch fairy tales and other movies like that because I can't suspend reality long enough to enjoy them.
(Same thing goes for the song "Before he cheats" by Carrie Underwood: Why would you carve your name into his leather seats? I get the concept, but, really? You want to leave clear evidence that YOU were the perpetrator? That sounds like jail time to me.)
The concept of having dreams bigger than fears relates to suspending "reality"--to believe, especially when all of the empirical evidence concludes that a situation is "impossible," that God can and WILL provide the way for your dreams to be fulfilled. Some might even call this concept (believing in things that you cannot see) faith. Our faith cannot be based solely in an outcome or a desired result, not matter how much we desire it; our faith must be centered in Jesus Christ and in His ability and willingness to help us achieve our dreams. (See the Bible Dictionary entry "faith" for more enlightenment about this concept.) Our dreams become powerfully able to diminish our fears when we allow Jesus' perfect love to cast out any and all fear in our hearts.
Further, Christ's love will enable us to dream bigger and better dreams. We will not worry about the practical "how" of the dream (the part that usually classifies a dream as "impossible") because we will know that He will provide the way. Feeling Christ's love will enable us to see our divine potential, causing us to desire what He wants for us to become. We rise to the expectations, however low or high we establish for ourselves; Jesus' love raises our expectations for ourselves (what we can achieve) and for others (how He can advocate with others on our behalf to secure their help in obtaining our desire--e.g. in The Book of Mormon, the Lord softening the heart of Ishmael before Nephi and his brethren arrived [1 Nephi 7:1-5]).
In sum, when we feel the Savior's love, we feel safe to dream big dreams because we do not fear the outcome because we know He is with us.
When was the last time you allowed yourself to dream without pragmatic parameters (e.g. dreaming about what you genuinely desire instead of what you, in your current situation, think you can obtain)?
For me, it's been a very long time. If there was a grade given out for dreaming (and thankfully there is not), I would have consistently received at least a D (if not lower) from age 7 through the present day. Oh, sure, I can daydream with the best of them and can imagine for a moment that life was different...but the practical side always reminds me why those daydreams could not come true. This logical side also makes it difficult to watch fairy tales and other movies like that because I can't suspend reality long enough to enjoy them.
(Same thing goes for the song "Before he cheats" by Carrie Underwood: Why would you carve your name into his leather seats? I get the concept, but, really? You want to leave clear evidence that YOU were the perpetrator? That sounds like jail time to me.)
The concept of having dreams bigger than fears relates to suspending "reality"--to believe, especially when all of the empirical evidence concludes that a situation is "impossible," that God can and WILL provide the way for your dreams to be fulfilled. Some might even call this concept (believing in things that you cannot see) faith. Our faith cannot be based solely in an outcome or a desired result, not matter how much we desire it; our faith must be centered in Jesus Christ and in His ability and willingness to help us achieve our dreams. (See the Bible Dictionary entry "faith" for more enlightenment about this concept.) Our dreams become powerfully able to diminish our fears when we allow Jesus' perfect love to cast out any and all fear in our hearts.
Further, Christ's love will enable us to dream bigger and better dreams. We will not worry about the practical "how" of the dream (the part that usually classifies a dream as "impossible") because we will know that He will provide the way. Feeling Christ's love will enable us to see our divine potential, causing us to desire what He wants for us to become. We rise to the expectations, however low or high we establish for ourselves; Jesus' love raises our expectations for ourselves (what we can achieve) and for others (how He can advocate with others on our behalf to secure their help in obtaining our desire--e.g. in The Book of Mormon, the Lord softening the heart of Ishmael before Nephi and his brethren arrived [1 Nephi 7:1-5]).
In sum, when we feel the Savior's love, we feel safe to dream big dreams because we do not fear the outcome because we know He is with us.
Friday, August 21, 2009
If Life Were A Musical...
I believe that life should be a musical. This idea hasn't caught on yet...but I hold out hope.
And if it really were, I'd choreograph--or have Kenny Ortega choreograph--some killer dance numbers like the one.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Lynne Truss Would Be So Proud
I admit it: I am a nerd. I appreciate a well-placed semi-colon, and I rejoice in selecting the best possible font for a document. One of my favorite books is "Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation." When its author, Lynne Truss, spoke at a conference, I arrived at the meeting at least an hour in advance so I could get a good seat--and then I waited in line for her to autograph the book.
You might not be as obsessive about sentence structure or document design as I am (and yes, obsessive might be the best word to use...), but I hope you can appreciate the humor in the clip below. It is entitled "Font Conference." (My favorite part is what Wingdings says. LOL.)
You might not be as obsessive about sentence structure or document design as I am (and yes, obsessive might be the best word to use...), but I hope you can appreciate the humor in the clip below. It is entitled "Font Conference." (My favorite part is what Wingdings says. LOL.)
DON'T Laugh Too Hard At This
Although this song approaches the topic in a humourous way (it makes me laugh out loud every time I watch it), there are some important nuggets of advice applicable to both husbands and wives.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Avoid Headaches, Laugh Instead
 |
| Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley |
Marjorie Pay Hinckley is someone I love and admire--and whose love, cheerful countenance, and positive life I want to emulate. She and her husband, President Gordon B. Hinckley, were famous for their one-liners packed full of humor and practical advice, like this one...
"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."
I think she was on to something!
Kindergarten Worries
I don't think we ever grow out of the worries we had as children before we started our first day of school (Will the teacher be nice to me? Will the other kids talk to me? Will I have someone to play with at recess?, etc). In every situation as adults, I think we face these same kindergarten worries to some degree or another, although we may not always recognize it.
This idea came to me yesterday as I was sitting at lunch with three of my new colleagues. I remembered how I felt on my first day of work: I worried if my boss would be nice to me, if my new colleagues would talk to me, and if I would have anyone with whom I could eat my lunch (or if I'd be the "loser" girl who sat alone at the lunch table). The new work environment was dramatically different from the one in which I'd previously worked, and I was quite intimated by the breadth of knowledge and experience my new colleagues had. (They were experts in their fields and I was just a young upstart with revolutionary ideas who had worked for the competitor, aka The Evil Empire.) I remember going for days at a time when the only contact I had with anyone in our department (aside from my manager) was at our weekly staff meeting.
One would think that a business woman like me, someone capable, independent, and progressive, would not worry what the "other kids at school thought"--but I did and I do. I want to belong just like everyone else does. I want to be liked; I want to have friends; I want the validation that my ideas are acceptable.
During many of my previous "new kid" times (e.g. attending a new ward, moving into a new house, starting a new job), I've usually had someone to go with me. When I started employment at my previous company, I joined a team that my roommate and friend was on. She showed me around and introduced me to her friends...and soon her friends were my friends...and then I branched out on and made friends of my own. There was no built-in social network when I started my new job here; I was completely on my own to make friends--and I wasn't certain that I remembered how to do that.
I am very grateful that Heavenly Father has helped me be brave enough to talk to the "cool kids at school" because it turns out that they are really nice and want to be my friends. And now I have people to sit by in meetings and with whom I can "play" during "recess" (aka lunch).
Being the "new girl" has been a stretching experience. I hope my heart has stretched enough to more quickly embrace the "new kids" in my life (at work, in my ward, etc) and include them in my circle of friendship.
This idea came to me yesterday as I was sitting at lunch with three of my new colleagues. I remembered how I felt on my first day of work: I worried if my boss would be nice to me, if my new colleagues would talk to me, and if I would have anyone with whom I could eat my lunch (or if I'd be the "loser" girl who sat alone at the lunch table). The new work environment was dramatically different from the one in which I'd previously worked, and I was quite intimated by the breadth of knowledge and experience my new colleagues had. (They were experts in their fields and I was just a young upstart with revolutionary ideas who had worked for the competitor, aka The Evil Empire.) I remember going for days at a time when the only contact I had with anyone in our department (aside from my manager) was at our weekly staff meeting.
One would think that a business woman like me, someone capable, independent, and progressive, would not worry what the "other kids at school thought"--but I did and I do. I want to belong just like everyone else does. I want to be liked; I want to have friends; I want the validation that my ideas are acceptable.
During many of my previous "new kid" times (e.g. attending a new ward, moving into a new house, starting a new job), I've usually had someone to go with me. When I started employment at my previous company, I joined a team that my roommate and friend was on. She showed me around and introduced me to her friends...and soon her friends were my friends...and then I branched out on and made friends of my own. There was no built-in social network when I started my new job here; I was completely on my own to make friends--and I wasn't certain that I remembered how to do that.
I am very grateful that Heavenly Father has helped me be brave enough to talk to the "cool kids at school" because it turns out that they are really nice and want to be my friends. And now I have people to sit by in meetings and with whom I can "play" during "recess" (aka lunch).
Being the "new girl" has been a stretching experience. I hope my heart has stretched enough to more quickly embrace the "new kids" in my life (at work, in my ward, etc) and include them in my circle of friendship.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
God Wants to Answer Our Prayers
A thought from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland that I needed to hear today:
God expects you to have enough faith and determination and enough trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. In fact, He expects you not simply to face the future (that sounds pretty grim and stoic); He expects you to embrace and shape the future—to love it and rejoice in it and delight in your opportunities.Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Terror, Triumph, and a Wedding Feast," Church Education System Fireside, 12 September 2004 (emphasis added).
God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can’t if you don’t pray, and He can’t if you don’t dream. In short, He can’t if you don’t believe.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Swishing Obsession
If I learned anything from my best friend's mother, it is this: every toilet in the house needs to be cleaned before any company comes over. This idea of toilet cleanliness has been taught consistently by my best friend's mother--almost as much as the need to wear socks in the winter and proper shoes (i.e. not flip flops) when you go walking (see, I was listening!)--that I have become almost as obsessed about it as she is, and I'm not even her daughter!
Case in point: Yesterday I knew my visiting teachers were coming at 4:30 p.m.; as I was leaving church at 4 p.m., my first thought was, "Oh! When was the last time I cleaned my toilets?" Because I'm somewhat OCD about this, the answer was of course on Saturday when I was cleaning the house, so I could relax and wait for my visiting teachers to arrive.
I might not make the bed (and I don't because I think it's a waste of time...but that's another topic for a later post), but boy, my toilets are clean!
Case in point: Yesterday I knew my visiting teachers were coming at 4:30 p.m.; as I was leaving church at 4 p.m., my first thought was, "Oh! When was the last time I cleaned my toilets?" Because I'm somewhat OCD about this, the answer was of course on Saturday when I was cleaning the house, so I could relax and wait for my visiting teachers to arrive.
I might not make the bed (and I don't because I think it's a waste of time...but that's another topic for a later post), but boy, my toilets are clean!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Saturday Mornings
I don't know who invented the concept of sleeping in on Saturday but he/she was a genius. That's how I love to spend my Saturday mornings: sleeping in until at least 8 a.m. Sleeping in on Saturday became a rare treasure a few years ago when I was working for a company that required travel (I worked a lot of weekends); since starting a new job, however, I have been able to resurrect sleeping in (although usually only until 7 a.m.) on most Saturdays.
There are those, especially those mothers, who do not get the option of sleeping in on Saturday. My sister-in-law has seven children (six of them are very active boys!) and is awake every morning by 5 a.m. *at the latest*, including on Saturday. By 6 a.m., the entire family will be dressed, fed (pancakes on Saturdays), and reading scriptures. Within an hour or so, they will be engaged in one of many activities for the day; most of these activities are "work projects"--i.e. helping someone move, paint, fix, lay sod, etc. I'm always amazed at how much they are able to accomplish in a Saturday.
Maybe there's something to this getting up early on Saturday business?
Sleeping in on Saturday has often been my "reward" for enduring an especially difficult work week. But in the future when I have children, the "work week" will not be Monday at 8 a.m. to Friday at 5 p.m.: it will last 24 hours a day, 7 days a week--no paid holidays, no sick leave...none of the benefits I now enjoy. And sleeping in on Saturday will become very rare indeed. Am I ready to commit to that--to give up my office, the paycheck, the professional recognition, the days off, etc?
A few years ago I would've answered with a resounding "NO!" and could've enumerated a long list of reasons why me having children was definitely NOT a good idea. However, "one thing led to another" (those of you who know Brian Regan's comedy will get the joke there), and I find myself contemplating what it would look and feel like if I were a mother. Imaging this once "impossible" scenario is still a bit surreal; sometimes I still wonder if me and motherhood would actually get along as I imagine in my head that we might. The reality of motherhood, especially for those moms who spent a significant amount of time working full-time prior to motherhood, is quite drastic. One of my best friends spent a lot of her maternity leave crying and feeling frustrated because she wasn't prepared for what it actually meant to take care of a baby (lack of sleep only exacerbated the situation).
Watching my friend cope with her stark new reality was instructive for me: I knew that I would likely react the same way because I've been working full-time as long as she has. I've been trying to apply these learnings to my own anticipated motherhood (no, I'm not pregnant; I'm just a planner and always think ahead). While I know that no one could ever prepare enough to become a mother, perhaps there are things that I could do to "ease" myself into it? I don't want to be changing *another* diaper and think about the opportunity cost of what I'm doing. And I don't want to think about the ROI on anything related to my child.
Can a business woman become a mother and not only be successful at it ("success" defined as not injuring the child due to the mother's ignorance) but *enjoy* it as well?
There are those, especially those mothers, who do not get the option of sleeping in on Saturday. My sister-in-law has seven children (six of them are very active boys!) and is awake every morning by 5 a.m. *at the latest*, including on Saturday. By 6 a.m., the entire family will be dressed, fed (pancakes on Saturdays), and reading scriptures. Within an hour or so, they will be engaged in one of many activities for the day; most of these activities are "work projects"--i.e. helping someone move, paint, fix, lay sod, etc. I'm always amazed at how much they are able to accomplish in a Saturday.
Maybe there's something to this getting up early on Saturday business?
Sleeping in on Saturday has often been my "reward" for enduring an especially difficult work week. But in the future when I have children, the "work week" will not be Monday at 8 a.m. to Friday at 5 p.m.: it will last 24 hours a day, 7 days a week--no paid holidays, no sick leave...none of the benefits I now enjoy. And sleeping in on Saturday will become very rare indeed. Am I ready to commit to that--to give up my office, the paycheck, the professional recognition, the days off, etc?
A few years ago I would've answered with a resounding "NO!" and could've enumerated a long list of reasons why me having children was definitely NOT a good idea. However, "one thing led to another" (those of you who know Brian Regan's comedy will get the joke there), and I find myself contemplating what it would look and feel like if I were a mother. Imaging this once "impossible" scenario is still a bit surreal; sometimes I still wonder if me and motherhood would actually get along as I imagine in my head that we might. The reality of motherhood, especially for those moms who spent a significant amount of time working full-time prior to motherhood, is quite drastic. One of my best friends spent a lot of her maternity leave crying and feeling frustrated because she wasn't prepared for what it actually meant to take care of a baby (lack of sleep only exacerbated the situation).
Watching my friend cope with her stark new reality was instructive for me: I knew that I would likely react the same way because I've been working full-time as long as she has. I've been trying to apply these learnings to my own anticipated motherhood (no, I'm not pregnant; I'm just a planner and always think ahead). While I know that no one could ever prepare enough to become a mother, perhaps there are things that I could do to "ease" myself into it? I don't want to be changing *another* diaper and think about the opportunity cost of what I'm doing. And I don't want to think about the ROI on anything related to my child.
Can a business woman become a mother and not only be successful at it ("success" defined as not injuring the child due to the mother's ignorance) but *enjoy* it as well?
Almost the Best, Second Only to the Best
If I had to rate my best friend Judy on a scale of one to ten, she'd probably be a thirteen (extra credit points for having great hair). Judy is the kind of person you want to have around for any time in your life:
Relatively speaking, Judy and I haven't been friends for very long (we've known each other 5-ish years and have been best friends for 4 of those), but we've been through more in the few years than most people endure in a lifetime. I couldn't have survived what's happened during the last 4 years if she hadn't been my BFF (best friend forever). I feel tremendously grateful to Heavenly Father for anticipating my needs and bringing Judy into my life. Judy, I keep you!
Sometimes I imagine that Judy and I will someday be as cool, as spiritual, as funny, as wise, and as close as are best friends Sheri Dew and WendyWatsonNelson (aka Wendy Watson Nelson, wife of LDS apostle Elder Russell M. Nelson). When I listen to "The Savior Heals without a Scar" and hear WendyWatsonNelson's story about injuring herself in Albany and of Sheri's calm collectedness and invaluable help...I imagine that a similar story could be told of me and Judy. (Judy, who is definitely more calm, collected, and compassionate than I am, would be the Sheri.) But more than that, I hope that my friendship with Judy will continue to grow as life changes come our way and we aren't "identical twins" in our life situations. Based on the events/changes over the last few months, there is great hope that Judy and I will be just fine.
- If you are sad, she is a "good-job" listener and she looks for ways to help you feel happy
- If you are happy, she rejoices with you and makes that happiness feel even sweeter
- If you are confused, she supports your efforts to find the answers and shares her faith that Heavenly Father *will* come through
- If you are afraid, she knows how to "talk you off the ledge" and bring you back to rational ground
- If you are stressed, she knows the magic formula for stress relief--i.e., BYU chocolate milk, Barbara's cheese puffs, and a massage from Janet, the most amazing massage therapist ever.
Relatively speaking, Judy and I haven't been friends for very long (we've known each other 5-ish years and have been best friends for 4 of those), but we've been through more in the few years than most people endure in a lifetime. I couldn't have survived what's happened during the last 4 years if she hadn't been my BFF (best friend forever). I feel tremendously grateful to Heavenly Father for anticipating my needs and bringing Judy into my life. Judy, I keep you!
Sometimes I imagine that Judy and I will someday be as cool, as spiritual, as funny, as wise, and as close as are best friends Sheri Dew and WendyWatsonNelson (aka Wendy Watson Nelson, wife of LDS apostle Elder Russell M. Nelson). When I listen to "The Savior Heals without a Scar" and hear WendyWatsonNelson's story about injuring herself in Albany and of Sheri's calm collectedness and invaluable help...I imagine that a similar story could be told of me and Judy. (Judy, who is definitely more calm, collected, and compassionate than I am, would be the Sheri.) But more than that, I hope that my friendship with Judy will continue to grow as life changes come our way and we aren't "identical twins" in our life situations. Based on the events/changes over the last few months, there is great hope that Judy and I will be just fine.
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