Telling My Story

Sometimes I get so caught up in seeking to understand others and what their stories are that I forget to tell my own story. I think one of the purposes (though I couldn't identify it as such at the time) of this blog is to tell my story. To share my thoughts and feelings, my fears and desires, my insights and "aha" moments. To share, in essence, me.

Something I read today reminded me of the need to tell our own story. (See Alicia Morga: Telling my Story on Camera, dare to dream blog by Whitney Johnson, posted 14 October 2010.)

Alicia's story could be any of ours (change some of the minor details of course). How many of us yearn to share what's inside--all of the dreams that no one knows about--but, as Alicia did, get stopped cold by someone's comment or attitude. Even life's events can stop us cold. We freeze and forget; our story gets left out in the cold.

Telling My Story

As I thought about Alicia's story, I resolved to be brave and share at least some snippets of my own story. So, here goes.

One thing people don't usually know about me: I am successful but unhappy where I am.

I work in a job very closely aligned with my bachelor's degree (how many people can say that?) and have done so, in various positions, for the last 8+ years. But there's a part of me, which gets more and more vocal, that yearns to do something else. I'm feeling very strongly that the "expiration date" on this opportunity is nearing. Yet...I don't know what else to do. My profession is what I know. The contacts I have in my network are in this field, my resume is filled with qualifications in this field. And it's not that I want to completely abandon this field altogether; I'd just like a change of scenery.

The dream I am currently "dating" is... to write and be published.

We've dated before, me and writing. In fact, before I changed my major in college, I was intent on pursuing a lifetime of bliss with writing. I thought that once I received my creative writing / journalism double major, I would become a professor and live the academic life, complete with tenure, a Pulitzer Prize, and an office with a window. Experiences during my first semester at university changed my professional direction, however, and writing and I "broke up" for a time. Oh, we'd "hang out" occasionally when I'd write an article for a professional publication--it was fun to renew our acquaintance and remember why I loved writing so much--but then I'd leave writing to return to my day job. As much as I loved writing, I just couldn't see how we could make the relationship work long-term.

The profession with whom I've been for the 8+ years has treated me well. Opportunities arose and paths opened that I could never have envisioned. It's been an incredible and blessed time together. I am grateful for the experiences I've had and the people with whom I've associated and from whom I've learned throughout my career thus far. I do not regret changing my major. I do not regret what I have done, where I have worked, or the opportunities I've received.

Yet...there is still that part of me yearning for a permanent reconciliation with writing. I don't want to "cheat" on my current career...but my first love, writing, is still very appealing to me. Don't know how or if it's possible to make a career in writing, especially with no contacts in the industry. It's difficult to even think about leaving a "sure thing" in my professional field to jump into the unknown of another career. Especially with a mortgage!

To be continued....

"SciFi" Mormon Ad

Very clever ad.

Remembering to Be Grateful

Judy sent this link to me. (Thanks!)

The comedian says, "Everything is amazing and nobody's happy." Intriguing...and very true.

Shout out!

I love watching the semi-annual General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints...for a multitude of reasons. Love the inspired counsel from living prophets and look forward to each April and October to soak in all of the wonderfulness. But I also love General Conference because I can see Aunt Rosemary singing her heart out in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Every time the camera pans across her section, I wait anxiously to see her. And then...wait for it...there she is!

Seeing her makes me so happy because she is wonderful and so full of light and goodness. It is especially wonderful for me this weekend since I am on a business trip and watching General Conference alone via the Internet in my hotel room: when I see her familiar face, I feel less alone.

So, here's a "shout out" to marvelous Aunt Rosemary. Love you!

Ode to a Honeycrisp Apple

The sound of fall
Not falling leaves or trick-or-treaters
But a bite of you, dear apple,
Your could not be sweeter.

All year I pine
And wait anxiously for your arrival
Tolerating other tastes
Biding my time; it is pure survival.

Then the signs appear--
Oh what joy and rapture are mine--
To see you in the market
Bringing arm-fulls of you to my home to dine.

Lugano, Switzerland -- 7, Team Trish&Adele -- 0

Point 1 for Switzerland: No stamp in our passports. The border control guys just waved us through in a secret, "don't tell the boss but you can just go on in" kind of way. Sheesh.

Point 2: Switzerland, which I thought was part of the European Union and accepted Euros as its only currency, has in addition to the Euro, its own special currency: the Swiss Frank. Which wouldn't have been a problem except all of the parking spots we saw had meters that only accepted the Swiss Frank ($2 coin) and I didn't have any of those. And this led eventually to...

Point 3: Trish and I were so frustrated by this time that we pulled into the first non "Privato" Autosilo we saw. That happened to be, we later realized (see point 4) was for a grocery store.

Point 4: After an expensive meal (do you know what the exchange rate is for Swiss Franks? NOT GOOD!) with a cranky waitress who took 30 minutes to bring us our check, we walked back to the Autosilo where we'd parked...and to our utter HORROR, discovered that it was closed--as in "no entry, no other way in, must wait until this place opens again to get your car" CLOSED. We'd missed it by 15 minutes!

Point 5: And then, to make matters even worse, we figured out that the grocery store (and thus by extension the parking garage) would not reopen until MONDAY morning. Yes, folks, that's right: we had to wait about 36 hours until we could get the car again...that's if it hadn't been towed already....

Point 6: There wasn't a phone number anywhere to be found on or near the garage or the store front--but it wouldn't have mattered anyway because my new fancy global BlackBerry unit didn't have service, despite its fanciness. And the battery died because it takes a lot of power for the fancy phone to sit in my purse and tell time. And because my fancy phone was dead, we couldn't call our Field Relations Manager, Walter, who lives close to Milan to help us out. We were completely on our own. (Did I mention that by this time, it was 10:45pm...and we were in another country...alone...?)

Point 7--Winning Point: This point was an 'assist' by a series of unfortunate events that occurred in Milan. I will not bore you with the details of the long ordeal right now; let's just say that it took us 3 1/2 hours to get from the central train station in Milan to our hotel--a journey that by taxi took 5 minutes. This "detour" involved an eccentric old Italian man who didn't understand English, getting a personalized night tour of Milanese historic locations, "sans gluten free" bread sticks that tasted like burnt toast and rosemary, and an Obama-loving, chain-smoking teenager who ended up being a knight in a shining hoody.

Game Summary: Though Lugano was beautiful (and if you take the train tour, you'll find out from the 'Ukranian' driver that it even has its own swimming pool...), I don't think I'll be visiting there again....well, except for tomorrow morning when we go to pick up our rental car.

Good job, thank you very much, amen.

Ciao, Italia!

So, I'm here. In Italy. And I love it!

Tomorrow morning (it's 11:30pm here in Milan) I'll write a longer post with pictures and a verbose, "bowl-minded" narrative about what I've experienced. For now, here are the stats:

• Amount of time that my new global BlackBerry device has worked since we left the United States: 0 hours and 0 minutes 
• Number of connections to fly to Milan: 3 (SLC to Minneapolis...to Amsterdam...to Milan)
• Hours it took to travel from SLC to Milan: 17.5
• Number of wrong turns we took while trying to drive to the hotel in our little Fiat: 3 7,000 (which is code for too many to count)
• Number of hours in Italy (thus far): 13
• Total count of Gelaterias visited in the last 10 hours: 2
• Gelato flavors sampled: 5
• Fragola [FRAH-go-la] (strawberry)
• Pistacchio [pee-STAHK-yoh] (pistachio) -- 2 times
• Mango (mango)
• Stracciatella [strah-cha-TEL-lah] (like a chocolate chip ice cream) -- 2 times
• Limone [Lee-MON-ay] (lemon)

It's All About Me

This morning on the commute to work, I was thinking about ... well, me, actually, and about who I am, what I like, what makes me tick (so-to-speak), and all of that.

My thoughts led me to remember a part of the movie Runaway Bride where Maggie (Julia Roberts) cooks and samples various types of eggs, attempting to finally determine for herself what kind of eggs she likes. It is a profound moment when she begins to know herself and assert her identity, ceasing to rely on others to create an identity for her. She then returns to the man she's truly in love with, Ike (Richard Gere), to share her discovery:

Maggie Carpenter: Benedict.
Ike Graham: Arnold.
Maggie Carpenter: I love Eggs Benedict, I hate every other kind. I hate big weddings with everybody staring. I'd like to get married on a weekday while everybody's at work. And when I ride off into the sunset, I want my own horse.
Ike Graham: Should I be writing this down?

Maggie had become a chameleon--taking on whatever personality and/or desires was around her. For many years, I did the same: I didn't feel that it was "okay" to just be me, so I played the role of whoever people wanted me to be. I, like Maggie, had to test the waters (or the eggs) to finally figure out who *I* was--and to feel comfortable just being me, whoever I was.

Here's who I am, for better or for worse:

• I like scrambled eggs; don't like runny egg yolk.
• My favorite city in the United States is Boston.
• I love Harley Davidson motorcycles.
• One of my favorite activities is reading greeting cards and finding the "perfect" ones for friends and family.
• I love camping and hiking but I don't know how to build a good fire (I usually let someone else do that).
• I collect inspirational quotes, talks, and devotionals.
• I am (in)famous for food cravings: I have "food phases" where I crave a certain food constantly. E.g. Barbara's Cheese Puffs, Old Wisconsin Beef Jerky, vanilla soft serve ice cream, fish and chips from Arctic Circle, Super Pretzels, etc.
• Hip hop and hula dancing are my favorite types of dancing. I also love ballroom dancing and want to do more of it, but I don't have a partner.
• I'm a word nerd: I love to learn and use big words. (I subscribe to Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day).
• One of my goals is to visit as many LDS temples in the world as possible.
• Although I can do things on my own (and I usually do them well), I'd prefer to have help--someone I can count on to be there for me.
• I hate crying. When I cry, I claim that I have "allergies."
• At a restaurant, I usually order the same thing every time.
• I am addicted to Orbtiz gum; Strawberry Mint, Mint Mojito, and/or Maui Melon Mint are my preferred flavors.
• I love to learn.
• Someday I want to be financially in a position where I can donate the majority of my time and money to serving others and meeting their needs.
• A well-placed comma makes me happy.
• I have no interest in going to France. (Sorry, Doug!) When I planned my trip to Germany and Austria last year, I purposely avoided having a layover in Paris.
• I am not a fan of scrapbooking (primarily because I don't think I'm very creative). I also do not like parades or fireworks (when you've seen one, you've seen them all), raw tomatoes, raw oranges, artifical banana or grape flavors, and diet soda.
• I want my house to be as temple-like as possible, so I have/am investing a lot of time and money into decorating, including purchasing high-quality, sacred artwork.
• I am OCD about a dirty house because of the house I grew up in.
• I hate making the bed.
• I clean my toilets every week.
• A "closet" goal I have is to someday be influential among women--to speak, write, and teach--like Sheri Dew, Julie B. Beck, and women like them.
• I love sheep and collect them (not the actually sheep, but items with their likeness).
• It is very validating when someone thinks I'm funny, especially if it is someone I respect/admire.
• I feel loved when I feel understood. When someone knows me well enough to order at a restaurant or pick out a personalized gift for me, I feel validated and important.
• I don't love animals, although I'm starting to like them more, thanks to Simon Geilman.

• I am a planner by nature but am trying to become more spontaneous, to "fly by the seat of my pants" (with or without a light, haha). Doing so, however, requires tremendous trust, and I'm struggling to let go of the (albeit false idea of) security I feel in planning ahead.
• I would love to live abroad and give my children international experience--would love for them to speak one or more foreign languages.
• I love to cook and create my own recipes...but I hate cooking for one, so I usually end up getting take-out.
• Although I value emotional/physical/spiritual intimacy, I keep most people at a distance. I want and need to regularly feel the same security I feel when my father hugs me...but I'm afraid to open up, to allow people close enough, and/or to ask those closest to me for what I need.
• Teasing someone is one way I show love. Another way is by remembering birthdays and other special events.

Like a Child at Home

I love music, especially sacred music. One of the greatest joys in life is to hear music that uplifts, inspires, and teaches. How joyful I feel when I hear someone sing the very words my soul wants to express.

"My Shepherd Will Supply My Need" is one of these joyful tender mercies for me. All of the words are the testimony I wish to sing of my Savior. However, the last stanza encapsulates the deepest desire of my heart: to feel safe, secure, comfortable, wanted, and loved, like a child at home would feel.

My Shepherd will supply my need,
Jehovah is His name.
In pastures fresh He makes me feed,
Beside the living stream.

He brings my wand’ring spirit back,
When I forsake His ways.
And leads me for His mercy’s sake
In paths of truth and grace.

When I walk through the shades of death
Thy presence is my stay.
One word of Thy supporting breath
Drives all my fears away.

Thy hand in sight of all my foes,
Doth still my table spread.
My cup with blessings overflows,
Thine oil anoints my head.

The sure provisions of my God
Attend me all my days.
O may Thy house be my abode,
And all my work be praise.

There would I find a settled rest,
While others go and come.
No more a stranger nor a guest,
But like a child at home.

These words echo in my heart and cause it to yearn to feel that "settled rest" with Heavenly Father and the Savior. To this point in my life, I have never felt settled; I've always had to take care of myself and to struggle just to survive. My weary soul rejoices at the very idea of resting, of securing a place where I belong, a place where I am not treated as a stranger or a guest but "like a child at home."

What would that look like (feeling safe "like a child at home")? I can only imagine....

Prone to Leave the God I Love

The lyrics of "Come, thou fount" continue to resonate in my mind. I am especially fixed on the phrase "prone to leave the God I love." How very accurate those words are to describe my actions, especially right now.

I love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I have a deep, solid testimony of the Gospel and of Them. However, as was recently evidenced, when I am feeling keenly vulnerable and the fear/panic begins to escalate, my tendency is to abandon the Savior instead of running to Him--which is terribly ironic because my fear is to be abandoned, yet that is exactly what I am doing to Him!

Prone to Wander

Yesterday after church, I spent an hour just sitting on the grounds of one of the local LDS temples. (I am grateful that that is an option for me!) As I pondered, to my mind came the words of one of my favorite hymns, "Come, thou Fount of every blessing." The words ring true for me, especially the part about how I am "prone to wander" and "leave the God I love."

Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.

Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

"Pride in My Ride!"

A colleague showed this video in one of our meetings today. I have laughed out loud every single time I've watched/listened to it! This is a great parody of rap videos.

You Speak My Language

You Speak My Language

You watched me from above.
I reached out for you but dared not speak--
Yet you knew the words
My mouth could not utter:

Need.
Help.
Hurt.
Heartache.
Lost.

A linguist of love,
You articulate healing with
Every blink and syllable.
What name have I for you,
My cherished helper?
Only one:
Friend.

Awesome Things

A friend sent me a link to a website called 1000 Awesome Things. It's a substantial list--1,000 to be exact--and has some very interesting entries. Reading through the list led me to ruminate on the 'awesome things' in my life. What awesome things do I see, experience, or enjoy in my life? I decided to create a list of my own.

• The feeling of calm and peace I feel when I'm in the temple. (This is especially blissful since I'm normally a very anxious person.)
• Hearing someone you love reciprocate with "I love you."
• The overwhelming joy and gratitude I feel when I see the Lord's hand in my life--and how He pays attention to the details.
• The feel of a down comforter wrapped around me.
• A hug from someone who possesses the 'gift of hugging' -- the security and peace I feel when wrapped in that embrace.
• Making other people laugh when I say something witty.
• Following a small impression and seeing how the Lord uses me to answer someone else's prayer.
• Dancing--anytime, anywhere--and how I can get lost in the movements and be transported to a blissful haven. 
• Playing 100 games of "Go Fish" with a nephew--and hearing his endless stream of jokes.

• Enduring to the end of a particularly harrowing experience and feeling the joy of overcoming.
• Purple. The color makes me happy.
• Losing myself in a well-written book.
• The delight of insight and making connections in the scriptures that leads to further discovery.
• The synergy and edification that occurs when discussing the Gospel with Emily and Judy. I love to learn from them!
• Chocolate chip cookies made with oatmeal (especially from Hagermann's Bakery) and cold fat-free milk. Yum!
• The turquoise water at the falls of Havasupai.   

• The endorphins surging through my body after I exercise. I feel that I could take on the world!
• Hearing my dad's voice when I call him crying. Sometimes a girl, no matter what age she is, just needs her Daddy.
• The crunch of leaves under my feet.
• The smell of lilacs. 
• Feeling the sun on my skin, especially after being in the cold, air conditioned building.
• Seeing the Lord answer my prayers and my needs through someone else.
• Singing my testimony and having the Spirit testify that what I'm singing is true.
• Sleeping in.
• Finding just the right word or phrasing to encapsulate the meaning I desire, a la Elder Neal A. Maxwell.
• My car, Chad. He is very good to me and endures well all of the stress I put on him. Plus, he likes to go fast as I do.
• Sunrise on the beach.

• A note from a friend who just wanted to say "I love you, you are important to me."
• Hearing one of my favorite songs on the radio and singing along.
• Creating. 
• Sleep.
• Someone else doing my dishes for me.
• Feeling understood and valued.
• Someone I respect wanting to spend time with me.
• Learning 'big words' and incorporating these into my vernacular.
• Cathartic writing. 
• Trees make me happy: decorating my house with pictures of them; walking through a forest of trees; seeing the first leaves sprouting in the Spring after a long winter; soaking in the breathtaking colors of leaves in the Fall; researching the ancestors in my own family tree. 

• Finding a 'kindred spirit.'
• Inside jokes. Inserting inside jokes into conversations and making someone laugh.
• Being authentic and feeling loved and accepted for who I am--feeling safe enough to 'just be.'
• Camping with my dad and sister in the backyard.
• Receiving revelation.
• Flip flops that allow my feet to not be claustrophobic.  
• A phone call from a friend I haven't talked to in many years.
• Dustin--someone who loves unconditionally and makes me feel like the most important woman in the world. I soooo love you, Dust!

Letting Go of the "Should"

I'm a big fan of Whitney Johnson's Dare to Dream blog. For over a year now, I've followed it religiously and internalized the truths shared by Whitney and the other fabulous women, which in turn intensified my desire to dare to dream.

Yet...

Yet, I still evade my dreams by applying the ubiquitous "should"--i.e. "This dream would be lovely...but I should want what I have now" or "Pursuing and fulfilling this dream would bring me so much happiness...but I should stick with what I know instead of trying something that I could fail at."

The should gets me every time. And I abhor that I allow should (and the fear that gives should its power) to persuade me to abandon my dreams and potential happiness.

Why do I empower should when doing so only enervates my ability to pursue the dreams and passions I have? What could I do to weaken the leverage should has on me, to liberate myself to pursue my dreams?

Tender Mercies of the Lord

A wonderful reminder from Elder David A. Bednar about the Lord's tender mercies.

A Better Choreographer Than Kenny Oretega

I didn't know anything was wrong; I just went to her desk because...well...I felt like I should. The feeling to do so was nothing spectacular, just a quiet thought to my mind that I heeded before I even realized what I was doing. Even after I arrived at my friend/colleague's office and spent some time with her, I didn't think I was doing anything out of the ordinary: I was simply enjoying time with my friend.

What Heavenly Father knew that I didn't know was that my friend had had a very stressful day. He recognized it and wanted to comfort her. So He sent me (only I didn't realize what He was doing at the time). She was important to Him, and He wanted to bless her.

I feel great joy knowing that Heavenly Father allowed me to (unknowingly) help my friend this evening with what He knew she needed. I feel joy not because I participated but because He helped someone I care about and I was able to see how He works. He was the one who comforted my friend; He was the one who knew what she needed; I just happened to be around to "answer the call" so-to-speak.

If Heavenly Father is mindful of my friend and her feelings, certainly He is mindful of me and what I feel...right?

Dreaming of Dreaming

In an earlier post, I lamented about not being able to dream--that fears and the need for logic and empirical evidence usually interrupted any dreams I dared to dream. This is still the case for me, unfortunately. My attempts to learn to dream and to overcome fears have caused me to become almost preoccupied with this. However, I think that I will make progress only if I can keep this topic alive in my mind and heart.

One of the ways I do this is by learning from others. My friend Emily is one to whom I look for insight on dreaming and achieving dreams. We have wonderful conversations about the power of asking Heavenly Father for what we desire, not just for what we think He thinks we might need, and developing a more intimate relationship with Him. Through my conversations with Emily, I have realized that I do not consider myself to be God's work and therefore do not consider my personal needs and desires to be "important" to Him. Perhaps this inhibits my ability to dream?

Whitney Johnson's Dare to Dream blog provides me with constant insight and inspiration; she poses questions that cause me to reflect on my own situations, attitudes, insecurities, and mental blocks that keep me from dreaming. Her guest bloggers post about relevant topics and deepen my desire to dream--to do whatever it takes to dream and then act on those dreams. I am grateful that there are other women who are willing to share their wisdom. There is so much I can learn from them!

Small and Simple Tender Mercies

During the last several months since I last posted, I've experienced some tremendous, overwhelming emotional and spiritual struggles--overwhelming to the point that I, a normally happy and social person, have withdrawn from life in order to survive. I'm not feeling like myself these days, and that is extremely frustrating to me! Most of my days are spent in what I call Project Mode, "going through the motions" of life and feeling as little as humanly possible. The only objective I have these days is to survive.

The implications of this prolonged Project Mode are multi-faceted, and I won't explore all of them in this post; I'll save the discussion for a later post. What I wanted to focus on instead is how the Lord has shown me tender mercies even amidst the intense, harrowing suffering I've endured. I don't think it's a coincidence that even the Book of Mormon prophet Nephi included a similar insight, demonstrating Nephi's awareness of and gratitude for the Lord's tender mercies through all of the difficult times Nephi and his family were called to endure. Two places in particular stand out to me in Nephi's writings:

1. Before the close of the very first chapter of the very first book in the Book of Mormon (1 Nephi), Nephi states his "thesis" as this: "But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance" (1 Nephi 1:20).

2. Nephi saw tender mercies where others (e.g. his older, murmuring brothers Laman and Lemuel) saw only difficulties. His faith allowed him to see what the Lord was doing--how the Lord was providing smaller, compensating blessings to make life more endurable. This vision enabled Nephi to continue on to the promised land without murmuring.

And it came to pass that we did again take our journey in the wilderness; and we did travel nearly eastward from that time forth. And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness.

And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.

And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness. (1 Nephi 17:1-3)

What small and simple tender mercies has the Lord shown me during this intense trial? Thinking about this now causes me to wonder if I'm paying enough attention to the little things in life, if perhaps I'm overlooking additional blessings. I am resolving now to be more mindful of the little things in my life. At present, these are the tender mercies that come to mind (and obviously this list isn't comprehensive by any means):

• Patience when things do not work out as I'd expected and/or when I'd expected them to
• A resilient, patient, loving best friend who consistently tries to help me, especially when I'm ready to give up
• Finding a kindred spirit at work with whom I can share my innermost thoughts, Collective Soul, yummy broccoli pesto pizza (that she made!), and lots of laughter. (We can't sit next to each other in meetings anymore or we will VEx other people--haha!)
• Sleep. When I am actually able to get it, I feel a lot better
• A visiting teacher who cares and checks in on me
• My friend Kim moving to my city and into my ward
• Emails and texts from KShum. We laugh a lot together, and I know that she cares about me. When I was sick, she "conjured up" people in my city to check on me. I'm grateful that her friendship is never "out of service"
• Feeling more settled and "safe" in my job. I remember how paranoid and insecure I felt in my previous employment--always worried that if I made one mistake, I'd get fired. Now, not only is my employer secure and not going anywhere (I'm certain of that!), but I also feel secure in my new leadership responsibilities, my new manager and his up-line, and that my effort at work makes a difference
• Matt's miraculous work on my spreadsheet! Shift-F9 and I are now best friends
• NCIS and NCIS: LA. Tuesday nights are good.